Hap's Post
Monday, September 08, 2008
A post that I had wanted to post on Sunday...
"I am immature, I am childish, I am petty, I am picky, I am crazy, I am all the bad things... ...
Can I not grow up? Can I not be 24? From young, I hate to be the eldest child of my family. Why am I always the one whom is not loved, not cared be it at home or with fwens?
Thought being nice to others, people will like me... But when I give in, I am not respected, I am being taken advantage of and when I don't, I am being unreasonable, being immature, being petty.
I am tired of trying to be nice to eveyone, I am not nice and I will never be... ... Cared too much for people whom always hurt me. Treat people the way you want them to treat you??? Bullshit!!! Others will never treat you the same...
I will only treat myself the way I had wanted people to treat me and treat others the way they treated me.
-No entry to my heart-
-Everything please get out of my heart-"
After reading some of the other people's blog, I also think about my 'home'. I share the same feelings for the part on 'home'. I never go tkd training, so not much comment on that. As for Fwens, ever since I start working I don have much time for them le... Relationship with my fwens are drifting apart and I am not making new friends... Envy those who are still in contact with fwens or who are continuing to make more fwens...
Remembered that at the beginning of this year, BS commented that I am a bi , neither a true introvert nor a extrovert. Now I see more and more introvert behaviour in me... I have no confident in everything I do, no confident in myself. No confident to talk to others sometimes this include my family. Talking about my family, even now I can feel that they are bias, at first only my mum gave me that feeling and after so many years, my dad start to portrait his unfairness.
I may not be a young girl now, but I still need their care, I also longed to be pampered once in a while. I don't mind caring for my bro expecially since I am so much older than him, but who cares for me then? I am not independent, I don want to be and will never be... But who is there for me to depend???
To the girls who wrote about their home:
Parents would some times make us/you felt that they are not loving, but think back, that does not happen everyday. In your memories, they are times that your parents are nice to you, times where you can feel your parents love for you.
Put the unbalanced feeling aside, don't you think that your siblings are indeed young than you and they need more attention than you?
You may be upset when you get scolded or accuse of bullying you siblings, but after all the bad feeling subside your siblings will always be your siblings. Your family will still be your family.
You people are still young, but I can tell you this: the time that you can spend with your family like the way you have now, is getting lesser.
From personal experience, once you graduate from secondary school, you don't have much time with you family and once you start working you house might just be a hotel. Sometimes you might only get to see some family member once or twice /week due to different committment that your family member and you might have.
Hap | 9/08/2008 10:53:00 AM
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